Elani, always Dancing Bear to me, came through her surgery fine and is doing well. Dad is even feeling better too. Thanks to all who prayed.
If I could indulge you a bit more, please pray for a young man in our church named Matt who’s in the hospital with pneumonia. He and his girlfriend were baptized last year and were engaged recently. He’s a leukemia survivor and also has a immune disorder where, if I understand right, his body goes overboard fighting disease. It ironically seems to have helped his fight with leukemia, but is hurting his ability to fight off this pneumonia.
If you’re willing, please pray for Matt, this young convert with a beautiful fiance waiting for him to come out of the hospital. Pray for the doctors caring for him to have wisdom and insight as well for his healing.

Most of you who frequent these parts probably already know, but please pray for Pinakidion and his new baby girl Elani Rose Payne, formerly known as Dancing Bear. Elani was born Wednesday with a blockage in her nose and is not able to breath on her own. She’s on a ventilator and will have corrective surgery on Monday.
They’ve been through this once before, with their son about 18 months ago. Twice in 2 years is a little hard.
In the mean time, John, I hope these lyrics from Casting Crowns might be of comfort. May you be able to sing them yourself soon.

Praise You In This Storm
I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as You mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will life my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Emily is my middle, about to turn 10 in a couple of weeks. In some ways, however, she’s beat her older sister to puberty. She’s wrestling with her own soul, it seems, these days, and dragging Mom and Dad (and whoever happens to be around) into the fight with her. It’s exhausting at times, for Emily does nothing and feels nothing in small doses. She lives life and feels it in the extreme.
This week she’s grounded from some of her favorite things. In Emily’s world it’s all about her and she genuinely doesn’t understand that there are others to be considered. It sounds odd, perhaps, to put it that way, but I think that’s the case, she just can’t grasp the concept of considering other people. One day she will, but not now. This self immersion gets her in trouble, but I know that if this is not broken in her, she will never find peace and will never find God. It’s hard, but it cannot be ignored.
She cried tonight and told me she wanted her Ellie (a treasured stuffed elephant, she likes pink Milly) back. “Not until Wednesday,” I said, “but if you show me a changed heart … ”
“But how do I do that?” she interrupted, through tears.
I stood at her bed speechless, tears forming on my own cheeks.
How indeed, Emily, how indeed.

My reading of Meg Meeker’s Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters is progressing (surprise!) slowly.
Chapter 1 – You are the most important man in her life.
Meg starts this chapter with her observations from 20 years of medical practice, watching daughters & what their relationship with heir fathers does, or doesn’t do, for them. She says “They might take their mothers for granted, but not you.” She talks about what girls will do to try to get their father’s attention (some scary stuff) and how they react to us.

When she’s in your company, your daughter tries harder to excel. When you teach her, she learns more rapidly. When you guide her, she gains confidence. If you fully understood just how profoundly you can influence your daughter’s life, you would be terrified, overwhelmed, or both.

p. 8

Lest you think this is a book of opinions of one woman doctor, Meg Meeker provides 59 footnotes from 30 some distinct sources in this chapter alone. Most of these are statistics about the world your daughter faces. Meg states more than once that the father’s role is to stand between your daughter and a “toxic culture”, a culture that is “yanking the best right out of them”. How toxic? Some statistics:

• 40.9% of girls 14-17 years old experience unwanted sex, primarily because they fear that their boyfriends will get angry.
• 35.5% of all high school girls have had sad, hopeless feelings for longer than two weeks. Many physicians call this clinical depression.
• Within the last year, 74.9% of high school students (male and female) have had one or more drinks each day for several days in a row.
• Within the last month, 44.6% of high school girls have had one or more drinks per day.
• Kids spend, on average, 6.5 hours per day with media (TV, computers, DVD, video games, music)
• 26% of the time, they are using more than one device. This means that 8.5 hours of media exposure per day is packed into 6.5 hours. (This is the equivalent of a full time job.)

pp. 19-22

But she goes on to say that Dads have the power to fight back. Don’t think that we can’t win over the culture. “[Its] influence doesn’t come close to the influence of a father.” Then she proves it with 2 1/2 pages of statistics from research on the effects of a loving, caring father:

• Six-month-old babies score higher on tests of mental development if their Dads are involved in their lives. (emphasis mine)
• Girls with good fathers are less likely to flaunt themselves to seek male attention.
• 76% of teen girls said that fathers influenced their decisions on whether they should become sexually active.

Girls who lived with their mothers and fathers (as opposed to mothers only) have significantly fewer growth and developmental delays, and fewer learning disorders, emotional disabilities, and behavior problems.

pp. 23-25

These statistics, and more in the book, prove the title of the chapter. We are the most important man in their lives. It seems obvious on some level. After all, as they are growing, what other men are there? Grandpas, uncles and friends are around, sure, but none has the time with her that we do. Why shouldn’t we be the most important influence?
But the sheer impact created by me over my girls is astounding. I would have thought Mom had more pull. Not according to Meg. And even into the ‘scary years’ of middle and high school (my oldest turns 12 next month) when sex and drugs come crashing in, the culture doesn’t have a chance against a loving Dad.

When you are with her, whether you eat dinner and do homework together or even when you are present but don’t say much, the quality and stability of her life – and, you’ll find, your own – improves immeasurably. …
Your daughter will view this time spent with you vastly differently than you do. Over the years, in erratic burst and in simple ordinary life together, she will absorb your influence. …
Be it good or painful, the hours and years you spend with her – or don’t spend with her – change who she is.

pp. 25-26

Isn’t God great? I mean, even when the tide of society seems against us, if we just determine to be the Dad, to care, to pay attention, we can overcome. So many times I find this at work. Some news story about dangers lurking out there – unsafe cars, tornadoes, stats about teen sex, tragedies and disasters – will get me worked up. But I’m reminded that the reality of the world our God made for us is that its overwhelmingly safe. Everyday, millions of people don’t die in car crashes. Millions more aren’t hurt by a viscous storm. For most tragedies, they only effect a small minority of the population, the odds are in our favor.
So, even though the world is scary for our daughters, overwhelmingly so, because God is good, we can guide them through it becasue he’s made us stronger than the world.

For Christmas, my parents bought me and my brother in law the book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know by Meg Meeker. They heard about it on a radio program and ordered it based on the positive review. Both Mom and Dad read it before giving it to us and thought it was very good.
So far, I’ve read the intro and I’m looking forward to reading it. As a father of three girls, I probably need to. From the intro:

I want you to see yourself through her eyes. And I don’t want this just for her sake, but for yours, because if you could see yourself as she sees you, even for ten minutes, your life would never be the same. …
Your daughter gets up in the morning because you exist. You were here first and she came into being because of you. The epicenter of her tiny world is you. Friends, family members, teachers, professors, or coaches will influence her to varying degrees, but they won’t knead her character. You will. Because you are her Dad.

pp.4-5

Good stuff, and it gives me a lump in my through as I think about it in relation to my girls. I’m going to try to post some things from the book along the way.

In January Audrey turned 7, having her first ‘friend’ birthday party. It was a princess party and she was thrilled. Doug took his annual trip to Toledo to go to the Detroit car show with his Dad. Audrey went along and spent time with Grandma. We also discovered that our Honda Odyssey needed its 2nd new transmission. The first went out under warranty. Thankfully, Honda stepped up to the plate and paid most of the bill on this one too, even at 120,000 miles. Hopefully this one lasts the 4 more years we intend to keep it.
In February Doug and Maria celebrated 13 years of marriage and Jessica turned 11. We also lost a faithful friend as our old Ford Escort that we’d driven for 10 years and 160,000 miles coughed up a clutch. It was a few months earlier than planned, but we gave it to a mechanic friend and got a new car, a Mazda3 hatchback. The Escort was extraordinarily reliable, but boring. The Mazda is sexy and fun hopefully it will be as reliable too.
In March Maria broke her foot, but because of the unusual way it was broken it wouldn’t be diagnosed properly until the end of June.
In April, the Easter Bunny brought a surprise – early on Friday morning. The entire house was criss-crossed in yarn when the kids awoke. Each had a different colored yarn attached to their door and they had to follow it through the house, and even the garage, to find their baskets. It was fun. We then spent the weekend with Doug’s family in Toledo as we do every year. Jessica had her first band concert in April. She also took a field trip to the National Inventors Hall of Fame in NE Ohio. She and Emily also participated in a Girl Scout basketball workshop with the OSU Women’s basketball team.
May brought Emily’s 9th birthday. On Mother’s day we went to the local Mother’s day kite fly, as is our tradition, and this year Mom and Dad were in town and they and Doug’s sister’s family joined us. Jessica graduated from DARE and had her essay, Role Models, chosen as one of four read at graduation and won a medal of recognition for it. At the end of the month we went to Missouri to visit Maria’s family. We spend a day in the Columbia area letter-boxing (and collecting ticks; we had 23 between us). The boxes we chose were particularly remote and challenging, but it was pretty fun in the end. We also spent a day in Illinois visiting Maria’s Grandma. Audrey, still looking for her niche, started a season of soccer. One season was enough; she returned to dance in the fall.
In June, Jessica passed a milestone, graduating from elementary school. How’d that happen? We are not old enough to have a middle schooler! Jessica also had her 8th dance recital. Emily continues to enjoy gymnastics, with small shows at the end of each 3 month session.
In July, our good friends from Wisconsin, the Gillaspie’s, came to visit for a week. It’s always good to see them. We also traveled to Cincinnati to the church where Maria and Doug met for a reunion of the close knit campus ministry that Doug was a part of in the late 80’s and early 90’s. It was so good to see old friends, some that we hadn’t seen in years.
In August the girls spent a week at Girl Scout camp. Mom went too as a counselor. The girls had fun, Maria – not so much. The girls made stepping stones for our front yard and we went to Slate Run park to see a working, 1800’s era farm. We missed Maria’s family reunion camping trip in Rushville, IL to go to Toledo to see Doug’s cousin get married. At the end of the month, the girls returned to school and we officially had a middle schooler. In our district, 6th grader’s have their own school, which is nice. What’s not nice is that Jessica catches the bus at 6:45 AM, which means someone has to get up that early to see her off. We are not morning people in the Schaefer house, but Jessica has adapted fine. Mom and Dad are still rebelling. Ugh.
September saw us add yet another female to the house, and our 4th cat, Cookey. This is Emily’s cat and she’s excited about it. (And no, I didn’t spell ‘Cookey’ wrong, that’s the way that Emily spelled it.) Maria stopped working from home after 9 years and got a job at a CPA firm during school hours. Our church, which we moved here from Michigan to help start, celebrated its 10th anniversary this month as well. Maria finally had surgery on her foot to remove the broken bone. After a couple of months of recovery she’s mostly back to normal.
October brought Maria’s birthday. Maria and Doug went to a church sponsored Salsa party where we learned the Salsa, the Rumba and the Fox Trot. Actually, we learned that we aren’t good dancers, but it was still kinda fun.
November brought Doug’s birthday at Thanksgiving time. As usual, we spent the holiday at Mom and Dad Schaefer’s in Toledo.
We have had the busiest December in a long time, perhaps ever. We started by going to Disney World (the picture is us at the Magic Kingdom). We’ve been looking forward to taking the girls to Disney for years and we had a ball. Our first family trip by plane, a week off of school, meeting Mickey and the gang and dinner with Cinderella was amazing. Not to mention the amazing shows and rides. Doug’s Mom and Dad shared the time with us, which made it that much more special. It was a week we won’t forget. Unfortunately, we retuned to a week of the stomach flu working its way through the family while Maria had her busiest work week since returning to work outside the home, including a 2 day trip out of state. (All of that is also the reason why this letter and card aren’t likely to reach you before Christmas.)
This will be only the second year since Doug was born that he won’t spend Christmas in Toledo. The first was when Maria was pregnant with Audrey, this year his sister is expecting baby #5, so the Schaefer Christmas will be in Columbus. We’ll celebrate at his sister’s house. Then it’s off on the Schaefer Holiday Tour, 2006 where we’ll spend time with Maria’s family in Missouri, Maria’s Grandma in Illinois, back to Missouri, to meet the Gillaspie’s in Illinois and then home to Columbus.
This year also marked a year long growth trend at our church, the Columbus Church of Christ. We’ve had a rough spell for a couple of years, loosing some members and doing some soul searching as a church. This year marked the reversal of that trend as we had baptisms all year on the way to a total of around 17 for the year. It has been quite refreshing for our small church of around 110 at the start of the year.

We’re back from Disney World. Another week of vacation ought to be enough to recover & to get the Disney music out of my head. Actually, we had a great time. It’s just that about 12 hours on your feet every day tends to take something out of you.
Mom and Dad were with us which was great. I told several folks that we were going with my parents and some responded with how they could never do that, their families would drive them nuts. While we have our moments (all of us), we’re blessed that spending a week with them is a joy rather than a drag.
For now, I’m catching up on my blog reading. The Disney resort we stayed in had no free internet. They advertised ‘wireless internet’ but failed to mention that it was only available in the business center, what seemed like 1/4 mile away (This is our resort. Everything inside Coronado Circle.). I had also assumed that it would be free, especially given the $130 or so per night rate. Nope. Ten bucks a day to use the wired network in the room, don’t know if the wireless was more or less, I didn’t walk with my laptop down to the business center. I guess that’s the Disney way, find more ways to separate you from your money.
That was one of several minor disappointments with the resort itself, but mostly Disney did not disappoint. Everything they do is excellent, they know no other way. No trash in the park, but rarely do you see the clean up crew. The sound quality of the outdoor shows was fantastic, even hundreds of yards away. Every person dressed as a character is always in character. I watched one woman playing Ariel from The Little Mermaid talk with other Disney ‘cast members’ with no other guests nearby, completely in character.
We took nearly 1,100 pictures, maybe I’ll put some up in the gallery later.

Emily, my middle daughter and 9 1/2, said this to me tonight:

Dad, you make everything cool.

I’m going to hold on to that one for a while. I suspect that sentiment is only good for another year or two.

I’m not sure if I should be concerned about my mental health or encouraged because of my obvious manliness. After all, I’ve managed to attract 8 females to my lair.
On the other hand, 4 of them are feline and 3 are my offspring.
Meet Cookie Cooky Cookey (Silly Daddy, thought he knew how to spell Cookie, uh, Cooky, I mean Cookey.), the newest addition to our cat family. This makes four cats in my house, all girls. Cookey will be Emily’s cat. Midnight is Jessie’s, and Audrey has adopted Cally, the cat who rode back from Missouri on the engine of our van (That was her idea, not ours). Pleiades is Mom’s, and has been Mom’s longer than I’ve been Mom’s.
Emily is ecstatic about Cookey. She loves the idea of having her own cat. Cookey will stay in her room for a while before getting introduced to the others.
Four cats. I’ve decided, I must be insane.