WASHINGTON D.C. – In a surprise announcement today, the President used a prime time press conference to reveal that Osama Bin Laden had in fact been captured 2 years ago in Pakistan and has been held in the D.C. area since at least early 2005. In fact, the president has been meeting with Bin Laden personally for the past several months.
“We’ve been having lunch two or three times a week. He’s a big fan of my grilled brats, as long as we’re not out of relish.” the President said.
He’s been giving Mr. Bin Laden history lessons, educating him on the ideals and priorities of the American way – freedom and opportunity.
“He was completely misinformed as to what we stood for. He’s been an eager learner. He now has a much better appreciation for the USA and what we are about.”
It’s a controversial and risky policy, reaching out to our enemy – one who is responsible for so many American deaths – and attempting to connect with him. And this is no simple political stunt, the President believes in Bin Laden’s potential.
“I think this man has potential to foster great change in the world. He could really make a difference and I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure he has that chance. I know his past, but I refuse to hold that against him any longer. To that end, I have forgiven him and the American people should as well. As of this moment I have given Osama Bin Laden a full Presidential pardon for any and all crimes against the United States. I fully expect that this will cost me my job and frankly make me target for ridicule, hatred and even assassination. But this man’s life is worth it.
“Before I am forced from office, however, I intend to put Mr. Bin Laden in a position that will allow him the opportunity to do as much good as possible. I plan to nominate Osama Bin Laden to be the next Ambassador to the UN and do everything in my power to see that he makes it into that post. I hope that the American people will get behind this new nominee.”
Yes, it’s extraordinarily unlikely fiction. Not only unlikely, but ill advised, no, stupid. Who in their right mind would do such a thing?
Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation.Colossians 1:21-22
So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.2 Corinthians 5:16-21