Go check out this post at the Thinklings. It’s a very profound lesson learned from a door to door saleswoman:

We are granted by God the ability to choose. When we make the right choices early (at the door) there is less regret, less going back to correct, and less buyer’s remorse.
Our hearts are so important. What we allow in them is not to be taken for granted. Be wise, and be careful.

Very wise stuff indeed, go read it.

Douglas Jacoby has an interesting article on Church Discipline posted on his web site. Since the Deacons of the church have spent some time on this and I’ve chronicled that and my thoughts here, I thought I’d link to it here.
It was written in 1994 and revised in 2005. It refers a lot to the practices of the CoC in general and the ICoC in particular. It does however, disagree with those practices and present a good summary of what the Bible says about the subject. The primary scriptures are Matthew 18, Luke 17, Titus 3, 1 Corinthians 5, 2 Thessalonians 3 and 3 John 10 although reference is made to several others.
It’s well worth the read and has caused me to rethink some of my ideas on the subject.

I’ve been thinking more and more about my recent conversation with my minister. My last post focused on my reactions to it. I was more confused and frustrated with church afterwards than I was going in. Later, I prayed earnestly about it and gained some (much needed) perspective from God on it, but I’ve thought more and more about what he said during that lunch.
He shared about his frustrations in getting help. I was critical of his being a one man show and he felt like he’s been trying to get people involved and get their opinions, but has gotten little back. Now, I may disagree on how well he’s sought that input, but I could see how he felt he was and how it was frustrating to him. I realized since then that I’ve been critical of his shortcomings, but I haven’t been trying to help him overcome them like I should. He has weaknesses in terms of communication and confronting people. That’s what I’ve been critical of him for, and rightfully so I think. But I realized that he’s kind of been alone in that folks don’t come challenge him on this kind of stuff much, if at all. If they do speak up, they (like me) may like to complain and attack, but they don’t go to him and confront him on it and work with him to help him change it. When he and I talked, I heard a man who loves God and His church and who’s trying to figure stuff out too. He’s trying to lead, but without a real support system, just folks like me throwing rocks (or talking behind his back). He’s got weaknesses and needs folks to confront them. I’ve apologized to him for my critical heart and I’ve decided to be that person for him.
On a bigger picture, I’ve realized that our church has developed a ‘hands off’ culture. Where we in the ICOC used to be intimately involved with each other, we no longer are. I’ve seen people hurting with no one stepping in to comfort them, stand by them and help them or help them find help. I’ve seen situations where two people have a disagreement, but there’s no resolution. They complain about it to others, sometimes anonymously and sometimes not, but when told to go try to work it out they don’t want to. In other cases, it’s one person seeing the sin of another, complaining about it or even gossiping. But when told to confront the person, they will not go either. In both situations the people involved say that it’s not worth it to confront. It will turn out badly or it hurts too much to deal with. I’ve told brothers before that I’ll go with them, back them up, but they still won’t go. I know that it hurts to think about confronting someone and about how badly it might go, but the damage to individuals and the church his enormous when we don’t. The feelings fester and grow and destroy what God has given us. Worse, it cultivates a culture of judgment, distrust and disunity, all enemies of God’s church.
On the other hand, when we gather up the courage to go and confront a difficult and painful situation, amazing healing can happen. In fact, the outcome is usually so much more than we can imagine that we are left to only stand in awe of God. What was an adversarial situation or a distant relationship can turn into best of friends. What was divisive become uniting. I’ve found that most of the time, when I confront someone who loves God on their sin, they are so amazingly grateful that I cared enough to challenge them that I’m left to wonder why I was so hesitant. They are longing, desperately it seems, to have someone speak the truth to them in love (Ephesians 4). Sometimes it does go badly, and it hurts. But even then, I can be somewhat satisfied and content because I did something.
I wish I knew how to change this culture in my church. I suspect know that there is no magic switch. We can teach on this and instruct people (and need to more, I think), but it will take a decision on each individual’s heart to pursue this change. What I can do is commit myself to lovingly confronting the sin I see in my brother’s life, address the hurts with those who have hurt me and aggressively pursue reconciliation at all times. In that, hopefully I can make a difference.