Testing, 1,2,3. This is a test of a new post. Having some server issues at the moment. Let’s see what happens.
EDIT: Checking scripture linking:
John 3:16
Acts 2:38

I think I’m ready to get back to blogging. Maybe. I know, technically I never stopped, but posts about suicidal squirrels isn’t exactly why I started this thing. Back when I started, there was a lot of stuff on my mind and I wanted a place to explore it and present it.
[OK, here’s the irony – I started writing this almost two weeks ago. Well, I did say maybe … 😛]
These past months, there’s been stuff on my mind, but I’ve been less interested in writing about it. Actually, I’ve started writing about it several times, but got no where. Too much buzzing in my brain. Too much circular logic. The weight of the world felt like it was on my shoulders. Everywhere I looked I saw issues, problems and sin.

• First it was my sin. My criticalness, my anger, my impatience, my intolerance. The hardest part wasn’t just seeing it, it was knowing that it was so ingrained in me, so much a part of me as to be inseperable. I couldn’t see myself as separate form that sin. I couldn’t see how I could escape it.
• Then it was the sin in others. My kids can be disobedient and mean at times, my wife fails (occasionally :-D), leaders falter, coworkers disspoint, I can be mistreated or misunderstood. I wanted to fix it, to make these things better, to help heal these situations. But then I realized that I can’t even deal with myself, how can I possible deal with them?
• On top of that, the sin of others came in business after business treating me poorly. First it was our failed Weider exercise machine, fighting with the dealer over a second failed transmission (Honda was great, the dealer wasn’t), a relatively expensive and highly rated Hoover vacuum started falling apart once the 12 month warranty was up, the issues with my car and then our relatively new dining room table began deteriorating and the magical 5 year warranty we bought turned out to be a scam (beware of Stainsafe). Everywhere I turned, companies weren’t just out to sell me a product and take my money, it felt like they were out to get me, extracting as much money from me as possible while delivering as little as possible and refusing to stand behind their work. Is there no integrity among businesses anymore? Maybe there never was and I just never noticed.
• Then it came back to me. Maybe it was my critical heart that only saw the worst in people. Perhaps my standards were too high. How can I possibly live like this, not knowing if I’m the problem or them? It became a vicious circle of failure.

It was too much, to hard to sort through. There’s no way I can sort through it and make sense of it. It seemed hopeless so I basically gave up.
I spent several weeks, a few months actually, without much prayer or Bible study. This has happened before in the ebb and flow of life. Business gets in the way. This was a bit different though. I didnt even care to pray or read. I’d sit and stare at my computer, reading about mundane things rather than pursue God. I simply didn’t want to, what was the point.
I hit a particularly low point and one day indesparation went for a walk to pray. I didn’t know what I would say but I knew that there was no peace coming in my head, only God could get me there. It was like fresh water to a man dying of thirst. I poured my heart out to Him and he answered. No voices, but answers none the less. I’ve had a few prayers like this since that have begun to heal my wounded soul and inspire me to start again. I don’t think I’m ready to take the training wheels off, but I’m at least getting back on the bike. My prayers and study aren’t yet what I want them to be, but my heart knows they are needed and I again feel the longing to commune with my father. That’s a start.
God has shown me at least 2 things in my talks with him.

1. I need to know my place, and find peace in it. The echoes of many talks with my middle daughter came back to me. I am starting to think that she will be my salvation, as well as (hopefully) me hers. We are in surprisingly similar states. She presses constantly to be in control. She want to rule the world, well, at least her world. I tell her that she must learn her place, and be content in it.
   Those words echoed to me as I poured out my heart to God. I must learn my place. I will not be a world leader, influencing many to change. I cannot fix the sins of the world. It is not my role to turn the tide of the ICOC or even my own church. I cannot fix the world’s problems, and that the way God designed it. Most will not be changed by my existence, and that OK. But for those few that I do connect with, I must give my heart and use what God has given me for their good. I will not make a dent in the direction of the world bent on sin, but I can profound change the lives of the few that I meet. The world may not notice that I’m here, but these will and that’s all that matters. If I do that and nothing more, God will be well pleased.
2. Jesus is enough. In one prayer, driving home from Thanksgiving, I asked God how he can possibly deal with all this sin. He answered instantly in one word.
   Jesus.
   At once it seemed the obvious answer and at the same time inadequate. Yeah, OK, but I mean how do you handle it emotionally. I know he dealt with it, but …
   I thought some more and realized that I wasn’t willing to let Jesus to be enough. It was enough for God. It was how he dealt with the pain of watching our sin. I can never deal with my sin or the sin of others. It will always be there. Always. The only way to deal with it is Jesus. That’s how God did it, that’s His answer. Jesus is enough.

There’s a lot more, and I hope to write more about stuff that matters (and stuff that doesn’t).
Thanks for being here, listening.

My host just upgraded PHP and MySQL, so I wanted to see if everything is working around here.
If you can read this, well, at least some of it is. 😀

This blog needs new content, but I’ve just got nothin’.
Thought I’d let you know I’m still around, though.

To Christian:
Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment on my blog. Unfortunately, I had to remove it. It was pleasant, did not contain any rude offers to enhance my anatomy or it’s performance, links to unpleasant images, offers to get me neat drugs at unbelievable prices, link to Texas Hold ’em or offer me unbelievable stock deals. I even visited your ‘Christian’ web site, which seemed nice enough, although I don’t understand it’s purpose other than generating AdSense revenue.
I removed you comment because, despite its pleasantries and wishes for God’s blessings, it had nothing to do with the post it was made on. In fact,. it had nothing to do with my site at all. Its only purpose seemed to be to get a link to your site on mine. In fact, I’ve seen your nearly identical comment on another blog, equally out of context. Sorry, but my comment form doesn’t exist to give you an opportunity to link your site and build traffic. It’s there to foster dialog and build relationships.
I doubt that you’ll be back, so you probably won’t read this. If you do come back, you’re welcome to join in the discussion on the topic at hand, but not to place an ad for your web page.
That’s called ‘spam’ and it’s not a very Christian thing to do.
Thanks,
Salguod

We just got back from vacation this week and I’ve got several blog things to get caught up on. One is a followup on the car situation, two is a followup on my Movable Type post from a few months ago and lastly, but not leastly (leastly?), I’m long overdue to continue my posts on Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters.
Look for those coming up, but first, I discovered that Gary Petersen tagged me earlier this week. The meme is list of 8 things you, my flock of regular readers, don’t know about me. Hmmm, let’s see what I can come up with.

1. I nearly didn’t make it into the University of Cincinnati. The Industrial Design department had a sort of an art test that I had to take as a part of the application. Being the dedicated student I was [cough, cough], I scribbled something on the sketch pages and sent it in. Mom called UC to inquire on my application (I was indifferent) and she was told it wasn’t that impressive. She talked them into having me down for an interview, she talked to me about maybe taking this a little more seriously and I brought my portfolio down during a pretty serious snow storm. They liked what they saw and I got in. Whew, and thanks Mom.
2. A couple of weeks ago I had to move my 8′ x 10′ Tuff Shed across my yard because I misread my lot plan and had it installed in the gas pipeline easement. Thankfully, those Tuff Sheds are very sturdy with a 6″ tall steel frame, so it was pretty easy to jack up and roll around on some 4″ PVC pipes (like the Egyptians did building the pyramids). My friend’s 4WD ATV helped too.
3. I owe meeting my wife to 2 of her prior boyfriends. She was actually engaged to one of them. He moved from Columbia MO to Indianapolis IN and she followed. When she became a Christian and he wasn’t interested, she broke it off. Later, she met a guy from Cincinnati and they started dating. It became serious and she moved to Cinci to be near him. Before she moved, she prayed and asked God not to let her move unless she was going to get married. A month later, they broke up. She and I met a couple months after that and were engaged later that year.
4. When I was in elementary school, I loved the book Mrs Frisby and the Rats of NIMH and read it several times. Super-smart rats with an underground mechanized society, what’s not to like?
5. I nearly dropped out of college in my freshman year to be an auto body mechanic. It took my parents an hour or two on the phone to talk me out of it. Thanks again Mom (and Dad).
6. I was in the marching band in both High School and college. It was a blast and I loved it. I was even a part of the honorary band fraternity, Kappa Kappa Psi. I was disappointed to have to drop band because of a schedule conflict after my second year at UC.
7. I have a mild case of Scoliosis. The oldest daughter does too and it seems like #2 will as well. None thus far have required treatment.
8. When we lived in the Detroit area I played, for a short time, in a church Motown/60s rock band named West Grand Boulevard. I played Alto, Tenor and Baritone Sax, tambourine and vocals. I was the ‘Ahhh’ in The Zombies’ song, ‘The Time of the Season‘. (You know, “What’s your name? (What’s your name?)/Who’s your daddy? (Who’s your daddy?)/(He rich?) Is he rich like me?”) It was a ton of fun, until they gave me the boot ’cause I couldn’t play in tune. Really.

There you go. Now I’m supposed to tag some more folks. That’s always the tough part. You hate making folks do stuff, but you gotta follow the rules.

• Kevin at the Familyhood Church
• Danny Kaye (AKA Jeff Morris) from NITU
• Soup
• Pink
• P. Allen

Comment here or trackback when you’ve posted yours.

I’m hanging with BEG for the week, chillin’ in the hills of SW Wisconsin. He mentioned that he likes how Pink’s site takes you straight to the comment when you click the link in the recent comments list at right, but in my list it doesn’t do that.
Now it does. 😀