My two oldest daughters, Emily 11 & Jessica 13, are at that self realization stage in their lives. It’s a challenging time, they’re figuring out who they are and who they aren’t and what they can become. As their ages would suggest, they are in different places in this journey, but at the same time similar. In some ways the younger one seems to be rushing headlong into the fray while her older sister proceeds with caution.
A few weeks ago, after a particularly challenging evening, I was talking with the 13 year old and I asked her why she had acted as she did that night. Her response, through tears, was “I don’t know! I don’t know why I do half the things I do anymore!” Her frustration and confusion was palpable. Ah yes, welcome to puberty. 😀
Her younger sister has always been the tough one. I’ve written about her struggles as she approaches puberty before and they continue. The nature of her personality – driven, fearless, outgoing, selfish – means she gets in more trouble than the others. She’s not a bad kid, not hardly, but she just rushes in headlong and before she knows it, she’s busted. At times, in the evening after a particularly tough day, she lays in her bed and cries. “Why am I this way?” she asks. It’s hard for an 11 year old to understand why she seems inclined to sin. Of course, she doesn’t see the more subtle, but not less serious, ways her sisters sin, to her God made her worse than they.
Different questions, but both rooted in the bigger question of “Who am I?” My answer to both, at least in part, is the same.
Pay attention, God’s calling you.
I told them both that this is God showing you that you need Him. In their failures, God is watching (I wonder if their loss of innocence breaks His heart as it does mine?) and He’s waiting for them to realize that they can’t make it on their own. He’s calling them in their inadequacies. The answer is not for them to work harder to be different. Although that’s needed, it’s not going to ultimately fix the problem. Try as they may, they’ll never make themselves into the person that they want to be, let alone the person that God wants them you to be. No, I believe that in this common struggle, God is there, knowing that He has the cure, calling their names, hoping they’ll respond.
“Emily, you need me to make it though. You cannot do it alone, you will continue to fail. I can help you do it, in fact I’ve already done it for you.”
“Jessica, without me you are nothing. You aren’t who think you are, you don’t even know who you are. But I know who you are and what I can make you.”
My goal isn’t to make them into better people as much as it is to point out the voice of God calling to them and help them to hear it and by listening, to be transformed. Because I know personally that all the hard work in the world does little but prove how inadequate I am. It wasn’t until I dropped my fight and turned to Him that I found peace with my self. If they will hear Him calling, drop their own fights to be better and follow Him, then he will make them better.
It’s a lesson that I still need to remember all too frequently.
Love Never Fails
Sunday’s Columbus Dispatch had the first part of a heartbreaking story about neglected little girl named Danielle. Neglected? No, ignored. Nearly seven years old, likely never seen the sun, never hugged, never shown any affection. Still in diapers, living in a closet, surrounded by filth, roaches and a 4 foot pile of dirty diapers. Heartbreaking, anger inducing, words fail:
The police officers walked through the front door, into a cramped living room.
“I’ve been in rooms with bodies rotting there for a week and it never stunk that bad,” Holste said later. “There’s just no way to describe it. Urine and feces — dog, cat and human excrement — smeared on the walls, mashed into the carpet. Everything dank and rotting.”
Read part one Sunday about what she was like when she was found and where she was found and how, because of the lack of affection and attention, the doctors’ big hope was that she’d learn to sleep through the night and feed herself. You should also read today’s part three as well. It’s the sad story about who her mother was (her IQ is “borderline range of intellectual ability.”) and how she still doesn’t understand why her daughter was taken away. “Part of me died that day,” she says.
What I really want to point you to is yesterday’s part two, inspiring story of the family who found her and believed in her in a way that no one else did.
The lead in is the decision by Luanne Panacek, executive director of the Children’s Board of Hillsborough County to put the girl’s picture among many others as kids needing adoption.”Who, Panacek wondered, would choose an 8-year-old who was still in diapers, who didn’t know her own name and might not ever speak or let you hug her?”
Bernie and Diane were at Gameworks, looking for a girl to adopt. A older girl, but younger than their 9 year old son. Through the chaos at Gameworks that night, they caught sight of a picture of Danielle:
Diane stepped out of the chaos, into an alcove beneath the stairs. That was when she saw it. A little girl’s face on a flier, pale with sunken cheeks and dark hair chopped too short. Her brown eyes seemed to be searching for something.
Diane called Bernie over. He saw the same thing she did. “She just looked like she needed us.”
Despite learning all of Danielle’s many and serious issues, they went to meet her:
Diane walked over and spoke to her softly. Danielle didn’t seem to notice. But when Bernie bent down, Danielle turned toward him and her eyes seemed to focus.
He held out his hand. She let him pull her to her feet. Danielle’s teacher, Kevin O’Keefe, was amazed; he hadn’t seen her warm up to anyone so quickly.
Bernie led Danielle to the playground, she pulled sideways and pranced on her tiptoes. She squinted in the sunlight but let him push her gently on the swing. When it was time for them to part, Bernie swore he saw Danielle wave.
That night, he had a dream. Two giant hands slid through his bedroom ceiling, the fingers laced together. Danielle was swinging on those hands, her dark eyes wide, her thin arms reaching for him.
They brought her home Easter weekend, 2007. It was a disaster at first, she wouldn’t sleep she threw tantrum after tantrum, she couldn’t even hold a crayon. Everyone told them they were crazy, but they wouldn’t be deterred. “So what if Danielle is not everything we hoped for, Bernie and Diane answered. You can’t pre-order your own kids. You take what God gives you.” Despite months of severe challenges as her caretakers, they officially adopted her last October. They gave her the name Dani.
And they proceeded to love her, like she – literally – had never been loved before.
Bernie and Diane were told to put Dani in school with profoundly disabled children, but they insisted on different classes because they believe she can do more. They take her to occupational and physical therapy, to church and the mall and the grocery store. They have her in speech classes and horseback-riding lessons.
Once, when Dani was trying to climb onto her horse, the mother of a boy in the therapeutic class turned to Diane.
“You’re so lucky,” Diane remembers the woman saying.
“Lucky?” Diane asked.
The woman nodded. “I know my son will never stand on his own, will never be able to climb onto a horse. You have no idea what your daughter might be able to do.”
Bernie and Diane had a son, about a year older than Dani, when they adopted her. Her doctor says having someone close in age around the house s invaluable for her development. How does William feel about his older sister and the extra attention she gets?
William says Dani frightened him at first. “She did weird things.” But he always wanted someone to play with. He doesn’t care that she can’t ride bikes with him or play Monopoly. “I drive her around in my Jeep and she honks the horn,” he says. “She’s learning to match up cards and stuff.”
He couldn’t believe she had never walked a dog or licked an ice-cream cone. He taught her how to play peek-a-boo, helped her squish Play-Doh through her fingers. He showed her it was safe to walk on sand and fun to blow bubbles and OK to cry; when you hurt, someone comes. He taught her how to open a present. How to pick up Tater Tots and dunk them into ketchup.
William was used to living like an only child, but since Dani has moved in, she gets most of their parents’ attention. “She needs them more than me,” he says simply.
He gave her his old toys, his “kid movies,” his board books. He even moved out of his bedroom so she could sleep upstairs. His parents painted his old walls pink and filled the closet with cotton-candy dresses.
They moved a daybed into the laundry room for William, squeezed it between the washing machine and Dani’s rocking horse. Each night, the 10-year-old boy cuddles up with a walkie-talkie because “it’s scary down here, all alone.”
He trades his walkie-talkie for a small stuffed Dalmatian and calls down the hall, “Good night, Mom and Dad. Good night, Dani.”
Some day, he’s sure, she will answer.
Here was a girl that perhaps should have died, was rescued only to face a likely life in institutions. The folks in her life held very modest expectations for her, she would survive but little more.
But one woman took a small chance – take a picture and put it on a poster and maybe … And two simple people with simple ambitions were paying attention when God was calling and gave of themselves beyond what they expected that they could. They have been the hands of Jesus to this little girl when the rest of us would have likely clenched our fists in anger at the injustice and wept at the tragedy – but then went on home.
Because they loved her, now she’s riding a horse, playing at the beach and feeding herself. She’s learning and growing. Who knows what she may become – because they loved her.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.1 Corinthians 13:4-8
UPDATE (8/17): Dani’s family has a website where you can contribute to Dani’s care and send a message of support. There’s also a link to the original article in the St. Petersburg Times where you’ll find a slide show. Lastly, read the article on the response to Dani’s story and an update on how she’s doing:
The Heart Gallery of Tampa Bay, which found an adoptive family for Danielle, is receiving 2,000 hits a day on its Web site, up from the usual 500, said Carolyn Eastman of the Children’s Board of Hillsborough County. The Heart Gallery has also received 100 e-mails and 80 phone calls from people commenting on the story or inquiring about adopting a child.
Imagine if just one more child gets adopted that otherwise wouldn’t have … all because they decided to love.
Mark 14:32-72
Mark 14:38 – When Jesus says to Peter “The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”, I think it had to be a great encouragement to him. It’s like Jesus saying “I know that you’re with me, but your tired and weak. Come on! Pray and hang in with me.”
Mark 14:41-42 – I wonder if they felt that they had somehow let Jesus down, contributing to the failure to keep the authorities at bay. Maybe it’s my modern day American interpretation of Prayer, but I can imagine thinking that Jesus was here to petition the father to prevent His arrest. If so, I might feel as though my lack of engagement or faith let Jesus down.
Mark 14:43 – I can imagine thinking “Oh no …”, but then seeing Judas and maybe briefly thinking “Oh, it’s Judas, that’s OK” before realizing that it’s not at all OK.
Mark 14:53-65 – I like how they brought all these witnesses in to convict Jesus, but it didn’t work, their testimony was contradictory. And Jesus refused to respond to their charges. It wasn’t until he answered a direct question that they had a basis to charge him. Jesus literally gave them what they needed so they could execute Him.
Mark 14:72 – I feel for Peter here. The vehement insistence that he’d ever deny Jesus rebutted by Jesus’ assurance that he would, and here he is. Doing exactly what Jesus predicted. It must have torn at his heart. Many a good man has been destroyed by an event like this, confronted with who he really is rather than who he’d like to believe he is.
Jesus had remarkable faith in Peter, if you think about it. Assuming that Jesus knew at least a bit of the future, which is clear from his words and predictions of things like Peter’s denial, Jesus could have done a lot to prevent Peter from facing this. He could have done more to prepare him. Sent him on a long distance errand. Instructed him to stay away from the courtyard. But He didn’t. He chose to let Peter face his sin. He chose to let Peter suffer the inner turmoil that comes with seeing one’s self clearly.
I would guess that most people don’t want to know who they really are, They spend their lives trying to pretend that they are something else. I’m reminded of the movie the Matrix, where the one guy decides that reality is too much. He longs to get plugged back in, pull the veil back over my eyes, lie to me again. The truth is to painful and hard.
Jesus refused to shelter Peter from the truth. I wonder how much he knew about Peter would handle it. Certainly, the Peter of Acts who preached and stood unflinchingly in the face of the threats of the leaders would have never been if he hadn’t been in that courtyard and heard that rooster.
And where would we be in that case?
Steven Curtis Chapman Speaks
I don’t know if it’s the first thing since the accident that took his daughter’s life or not, but Steven Curtis Chapman went on Larry King Live (of all places) with his family and he’s written an editorial for cnn.com.
Go watch the video (But don’t make the mistake I did of doing so at work. Men aren’t supposed to cry at their desks.) and learn how it happened and how their family got through it, well at least this far. I was seriously impressed how the Will’s older brother instinctively took care of him after the accident. Also, take note of how Will addresses Larry King, even as Larry asks him about the hardest day of his young life.
The article talks little of that day, instead it’s a call for all of us Christians to support orphans. Steven notes “Through all that we’ve experienced, one thing we still know is true: God’s heart is for the orphan.” The Chapman’s have 3 adopted daughters form China in addition to their 3 birth children. What’s interesting is the role their birth daughter, then 12, played in getting them to adopt:
Nine years ago, my wife and my eldest daughter, Emily, traveled to Haiti on a mission trip. Having been exposed to extreme poverty for the first time, Emily returned home with a determined passion to make a difference in the lives of at-risk children.
Only 12 years old, Emily went on an all-out campaign to persuade us to adopt. She bought a book on international adoption with her Christmas money and would read it to us regularly. She began fervently praying and writing letters to Mary Beth and me, encouraging us to consider giving a waiting child a home. Emily knew God was leading us in the direction of adoption; however, Mary Beth and I were not yet convinced.
People wonder where God is in events like this. I do too, and I have no answers to that age old question, but one thing I do see. God was in that family. When tragedy happens to families focused on God, God is revealed. Seeing their family cling to one another and support each other and to hear Steven speak out still passionately for adoption shows the impact that God had on their lives. They were in a unique position to display God to many folks through this tragedy, and they have. Did God target them because of that? I don’t know and would say not. None the less, they targeted God to be honored through it, even if they can’t say what His role was in it.
HT: Brant’s Blog of Awesomeness
Deja Vu All Over Again
I haven’t been following the news from Kip for a while. I realized that it all sounds the same and it frankly wasn’t healthy to focus on it. Yesterday, however, Pinakidion pointed me to this article on their web site.
On top of the bragging of their accomplishments, crediting the spirit for what was ultimately their idea and twisting a passage of scripture to validate their plans, it turns out everything old is new again.
- LA is the center of all things again (“With the Spirit now establishing Los Angeles as the “Jerusalem” of our new movement …“)
- There’s a new 5 year plan. (“… the time has come for a definitive plan to accomplish Jesus’ dream to evangelize the world in our generation. … After several months of intense prayer and numerous discussions, we are setting before our fellowship The Five Year Plan!“) The old 5 year plan was the Evangelization Proclamation of 1994.
- There are new pillar churches (“To evangelize the world, pillar churches will be planted in the following mega-cities …“)
- Campuses will be targeted. (“campus converts provide idealistic, unencumbered workers and future leaders“) Sitting as we are next to the 60,000 student Ohio State University, I keep looking for the ‘targeting’ of Columbus. So far, we are spared.
- A new charity, originally named “New Hope” to be established in 2009, and …
- … A ‘New Hope’ tax to go with it . (“2% of plantings’ weekly contribution will support this worldwide charity“)
Does this sound eerily familiar to anyone (besides Pinakidion and me)? So, the last time this sort of plan fell flat, lies had to be told to ensure it’s success (See Pinakidion’s post) and it’s pursuit led to the hurt of many, and cost Kip his job and many friends. Yet, here it is again, a little more modest, but in essence the same.
My question is, did we sound so shallow, selfish, arrogant and foolish back in 1994? Absolutely, I cannot see how we couldn’t have. If anything we were more brash.
Prayerfully, the experience has taught me some things. I think it has. It doesn’t seem to have taught Kip much.
You know what’s amazing – God will use this foolishness and arrogance and people will be led to Him, just as they were even at the height of the foolishness of the ICOC. God is good. I just hope and pray that the fallout in souls wounded in the march to do great things might be slight.
It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. The latter do so in love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains. But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice.
Philippians 1:15-18
Mark 14:1-31 – Anointed, Betrayed, the Last Supper
Mark 14:1 – It floors me that the leaders of the Jews were searching for a way to kill him. I can’t wrap my mind around how you can be in the position of leading God’s people and get to the place where murder seems appropriate. Wow.
Mark 14:7 – I like the ESV translation of this verse: “For you always have the poor with you, and whenever you want, you can do good for them.” Jesus rightfully points out their hypocrisy. Why the sudden concern for the poor? They’ve always been there and always will be, “whenever you want, you can do good for them.” It troubles me that of the plenty that I have, I spend most of it on myself. Just as troubling is that I get the impression that I give away more than most. It’s a cycle we get trapped in and can be very difficult to move out of, but I hope that I can.
Mark 14:13-14 – This is like the donkey thing when he arrived in Jerusalem. “Go find a guy with a water jar and ask him for a room.” Yeah right. I would have made a lousy disciple, because I’m not sure I would have followed through with that. Sooo …. What promises has Jesus made me that I’m dismissing because it just doesn’t make sense to me? The effectiveness of prayer (what ever you ask for in my name …) come to mind, but honestly I can’t think of others. OK, the promise of gain from sacrifice (no one who has given up homes, fields, family, …), that the harvest is plentiful come to mind as well. It’s easy to treat all of these as religious platitudes rather than facts that should shape the way I live. Am I brushing aside the promises of God because they don’t fit my understanding of the world?
Mark 14:22-25 – I wonder what the disciples were thinking here? He’s speaking of this food as his flesh and blood, of a covenant. I don’t think they were yet on board with Jesus’ mission of salvation, they didn’t yet understand and wouldn’t until he was raised. Just look at their actions between this point and then – betrayal, denial, flight, hiding – to see that. So here they are, and Jesus speaks of truths that have to make no sense to them and they eat and drink. Did they just dismiss it as Jesus being Jesus, cryptic and incomprehensable?
God as a Concept
As I was getting ready to eat my homemade Skyline Chili for lunch, I was thinking about blogging and writing and life and what comes next on the blog. It occurred to me that I view God as a concept more than God as a being. I can’t exactly remember the tie in between all of that, but there it is nonetheless.
What I mean is that I think of God as a set of ideas to embrace – truth, integrity, love, grace, respect – rather than God the Father or Jesus my brother. I understand that I do have a relationship with Him and that He is real, but I tend to treat Him abstractly rather than than relationally.
Thinking of God this way isn’t wrong as much as it’s incomplete. He is truth, integrity, love, grace and respect and more, but to leave it at that and forget that He’s both my Father and Brother strips my experience of Him of it’s intimacy. Following Him then becomes cold hard obedience or a philosophical exercise rather than loving submission or respect or … The flip side is to embrace the loving Father and forget that He is ruler and King with authority and, frankly, rules. It’s not an either/or, it’s a both/and.
Any of our relationships can become this way, and I suspect if I psychoanalyzed my relationship with my wife or parents I’d find some parallels here. That’s too much to think about over chili, though.
What are your thoughts?
Good News Indeed
From Milton Stanley:
… something unique happens when Jesus touches dirt: instead of getting dirty himself, Jesus makes the dirt clean.
Of course, go read the rest. If you aren’t a reader of Milton’s at-one-time-daily blog, you should be. His posts are short and to the point, but almost always makes me think.
Mark 13 – Signs
Mark 13:1-2 – I can see myself with Jesus, impressed by the local architecture, especially if I hadn’t been there before. Cool, check that out! I’d be bummed when Jesus threw cold water on my observations. 😀
Mark 13:5 – Jesus is asked about the future, when the end will come. He begins His response with “See that no one leads you astray.” Yet, even knowing that Jesus told us it will be a surprise, that we don’t know the time, that even He didn’t know the time, folks try to figure it out. They read into the tings happening in the middle east, they study OT prophesies and Revelation to determine what is to come and when. They even make predictions. Why, when Jesus was so clear? I think He’s rather us be concerned with living day to day as he did than trying to discern what is to come.
Mark 13:9-13 – They ask about the future of Jerusalem, perhaps the future of the world, and instead Jesus tells them of their future. The future of Jerusalem is scary enough – no stone left on top of another – but their personal future is scarier. Beatings, divided families, hatred and death.
Mark 13:14 – After “But when you see the abomination of desolation standing where he ought not to be” Jesus, or actually it was Mark, says ‘let the reader understand’. I would love to be able to understand that sentence. I guess, since I’m not in Judea (they were the ones told to flee when that happened), I don’t really need to know. 😀
Mark 13:14-23 – I wonder, is this referring to a time already past, or a time yet to come. I know, million dollar question that everyone wants to know. It’s scary stuff, and it would be nice to know if it has already passed. I guess Jesus’ admonition in verse 23 is the important bit – “be on guard.” We need to always be ready to be tested. Always.
Mark 13:32-36 – Just in case we didn’t get it, he repeats it, and elaborates on it. That’s the challenge for us, especially here in the comfy west where our faith isn’t challenged, at least not physically. We are free. But the culture digs at our faith all day long. We must be vigilant, we must, as Jesus says, ‘stay awake’ spiritually. I’m afraid that all to many in America who claim his name are sleeping. It scares me too that I might be asleep and not even know it.
Wordle
Kansas Bob pointed me to a neat site called Wordle. It uses your RSS feed to generate what it calls “beautiful word clouds” of the text from your site. I plugged in salguod.net Saturday morning and got this:

You know, I have to tell you, I wasn’t sure what I was going to get. I’ve not been happy with my blogging of late, so when I saw a big ol’ Jesus, front and center and Maria as the next most prominent … Well, it did my heart some good.
I’ve posted a couple of new things since then, so the cloud has changed since then, but still cool to see God, Jesus, Love, Sacrifice and Maria prominently displayed.

Check out Bob’s post, he’s got Wordles of the ESV New Testament and the entire Bible. Neat.
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