Why is it that folks try to change others rather than themselves? We assume that things between us and another person would be better if they would only change to be more like us. Of course, the answers are somewhat obvious. To change ourselves would be more work, criticism of others puffs us up and to make fixing the relationship the other persons problem means we don’t have responsibility and we aren’t wrong.
\nBut, on the other hand, this really doesn’t make any sense. Big surprise there, eh? God’s way makes more sense. What I mean is, we have no control over the other person. There is little we can do to get them to change. We can, however, change ourselves. Well, at least we have a much better chance of changing us than we do of changing them.
\nThis begs the question, do we really want to fix the situation or do we just want to feel better about ourselves? If healing is what we want, then changing ourselves makes much more sense. Instead, we focus on what the other party needs to do or be to make the problem disappear.
\nMany times we may be absolutely right, they do need to change, it would be the ‘best way’ to fix the situation. But we cannot make that happen, we cannot force them to be different. Telling them how they ought to be likely only raises their defenses and their resistance. In fact, the best way to encourage that may be to change our own tactics. More grace, more understanding, more patience, more forgiveness, more love.
\nI don’t know exactly my point here, other than I want to take folks as they are and love them like Jesus. I want to stop thinking about how they ought to be and start wondering how I ought to respond. I think that Jesus knew coming down here that we were all sinful wretches. We had no idea the trouble we wrought, or maybe we did but simply didn’t now any other way to be. Those that came to Jesus were doing the best they could, but it was far, far short of what they ought to do. Jesus took them at face value, didn’t excuse their sin, but didn’t wag his finger in disgust either. He didn’t say to them, “If you were only _____” or “If you only did _____, things would be fine.” Instead, he accepted them as they were, he offered grace and forgiveness and only then challenged them to change.
\nWhen I’m confronted with someone who’s less than loving, harsh or whatever, like Jesus I want to assume that they are doing the best they know how. They either know not what they do, or they know but just don’t know how to be anything else. I want to respond first with acceptance and grace and only then offer. I certainly hope that folks would do that for me, because there are times that I know that I’m not in a good place, but I don’t know any other way to be, at that moment. I just hope that people would know that I’m doing the best I can, and give me some space and some grace and I’ll try to do the same for them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"