I’ve been meaning to write this for a couple of weeks now. You may have noticed that my Quiet Time journal has been more active lately. I started the year wanting to be in my Bible more, but thanks to the genuine concern of two friends I am more determined, and more excited, to do so.
\nA couple of weeks ago my minister and another deacon asked if I was free for lunch that week, so we set up a time. After a bit of trivial chatter, they told me that they had some things they wanted to talk to me about, some concerns. I’ve shared with them, as I have here with you, about my ongoing struggle getting into my Bible. I’ve not kept that a secret at all. They’ve not been critical or judgmental about it in the least, but supportive of my struggle and encouraging. Well, I guess they felt a little concern that a deacon in the church was somewhat publicly casual about his Bible study. Their concern was not one of my salvation or of judgment or for the reputation of the church. Rather, they felt that as a deacon, I had a responsibility to the congregation. The congregation should be able to feel secure in their leader’s knowledge, respect and involvement in the scriptures. It is perhaps a bit difficult to put into words here, particularly since in our past this conversation would take a different tone, but I was encouraged by their concern. It was born of love for me and for the church, period, no old school control and judgment.
\nAnd they were absolutely right. What kind of Deacon and leader can I be if I can go 6 months at a stretch without a focused time in the scriptures, but rarely 6 days without blogging? As a ‘regular Christian’ that would fall into the category of ‘less than ideal’ or perhaps ‘unwise’, but as a leader it’s selfish and irresponsible. I am not simply living for my own relationship with God, people in my church are looking to me for guidance, leadership and knowledge. It may shake (and has) their confidence in me to know that I am sporadic at best in my Bible study for months at a time.
\nIn their challenge they were pointed, encouraging and hopeful. Our minister expressed his gratitude for our friendship and for my perspective in our leadership. I frequently feel like an outsider with some of my thoughts and ideas, so it was encouraging to have him say how he felt my perspective was valuable and needed. They also expressed a vision for me becoming an elder in the congregation at some point. It was a good talk, and it renewed my conviction to get into my Bible. For that I am grateful.
\nThey weren’t done however. They wanted to ask about my blog. Evidently someone had searched for info on Ed Anton’s book and came across my site. That was pretty cool, I thought, but they were disturbed by some of the things I had written about our minister. (I’m not going to get into why the minister had to be the one to challenge me on this when someone else found it. That’s a post for another day, maybe.) I was perhaps a little defensive on this one. I assured him, I generally run posts by someone else, usually my wife, if I feel uneasy about whether it’s appropriate. I did concede that there may be some things from months ago that were less than favorable and I’d check. I certainly meant no offense.
\nBack at the office I decided to take a quick look. I was shocked and embarrassed to find a pretty recent entry that painted our minister in a decidedly unfavorable light. I had actually intended to compliment, but had instead insulted. How could this happen! Pride. I had failed to have anyone else read it first. The post has been edited (before he read it, thankfully) and I have apologized, but I do so again here publicly. Doug, I never intended to malign your character, name or reputation and I am sorry.
\nTo the two of them, this second thing was the lesser of the two. I understand why, and perhaps they are right in the grand scheme of things. For me, however, it was huge for a few reasons. First, I was embarrassed to have committed such a public sin. But more than that, I was humbled and convicted by our minister’s reaction. He has accepted my apology without hesitation and told me that he completely trusts me that I was not out to harm. Not a word of disappointment or correction after the fact. I only wish I had given him that kind of trust in the past. I’ve been hesitant, critical and slow to trust him at times over the past couple of years. He’s born the brunt of the wounds in my history and he shouldn’t have. Were there perhaps reasons to withhold my trust or be skeptical? Perhaps there were, but he certainly has had at least as many reasons not to trust me and he did not hesitate to give me the benefit of the doubt when I had clearly failed him.
\nThat’s two lessons in grace today, do you think God’s trying to tell me something?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"