{"id":281,"date":"2005-03-07T22:59:44","date_gmt":"2005-03-07T22:59:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/salguod.net\/blog\/2005\/03\/whew.shtml"},"modified":"2021-05-29T02:46:51","modified_gmt":"2021-05-29T02:46:51","slug":"whew","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/salguod.net\/blog\/2005\/03\/whew.shtml","title":{"rendered":"Whew ….."},"content":{"rendered":"

Tonight I just had to get out. I actually felt it yesterday, but I let things get in the way. I hadn’t done this in a long time, and I was over due. So I left the house from about 9:20 \u2013 9:55 and just prayed.
\nI haven’t written much about church lately. That’s been deliberate. I’ve been pretty discouraged about it, and I just didn’t know what I could say. Since my last post<\/a> about 2 month ago, the deacons meetings have stopped. This was after our minister told the deacon’s group that he was the leader, and that he didn’t think that a team approach was the right way to go. He also spoke about needing help, wanting more input from us and others as we went forward. Since that time, we’ve had a couple of meetings together, but nothing recently.
\nI met with him for lunch on Saturday. I’ve been wanting to get with him for weeks, but couldn’t work it out (and I chickened out). He’s been gone overseas visiting the church we sponsor in Indonesia for about 2 weeks. One of the reasons I haven’t written about this was because I didn’t want to express my feelings publicly until he and I had an opportunity to talk.
\nSo we finally were able to meet on Saturday. After some chit chat, I expressed how I felt that my fears over what he had said back in December about being in charge seem to be coming true. The deacons, in my mind the ones that should be his inner circle, weren’t being included or sought out for advice. It felt that he was just doing his own thing. I knew he wanted input and was probably getting some from somewhere, but it wasn’t from us. As far as official leadership in the church goes, it’s him, the campus minister and the deacons. We have no elders right now, that’s it. We also talked about some other dynamics that have been going on with giving out responsibility and accountability.
\nAfter I had said my piece, he expressed to me how this was a complete surprise to him. He had been feeling the opposite \u2013 that he was really trying to include people in the decision making<\/i>. He had been asking for people to give their opinions, but had gotten little response. He had handed out responsibility, but people hadn’t really taken it. He was honestly trying, but felt unsupported. Ouch.
\nI left that conversation more hurt and confused than I was going in. I had hoped to break some ground, that there would be some recognition of sin and a change going forward. What I was left with was a bigger picture of the weakness in my church. Certainly, I think there are some things that could be done differently to help the situation (which we talked about and he acknowledged), but the magic bullet solution wasn’t there. What I was left with was a picture of a dis-unified, self absorbed, apathetic church. (That does not describe everyone, and is probably over the top, but it was the picture I saw right then.)
\nI had longed to have this conversation because I had thought that I could then get this off of my chest. That I could relieve the burden I had been carrying. But instead, I felt it even more! I was carrying the weight of the health of the church on my shoulders. I wanted to run and hide.
\nI should have gotten out and prayed last night, but I didn’t. Tonight, as I snapped at the kids, I knew that I couldn’t put it off. I had tried to pray in my home late on Sunday, but there were too many distractions. There’s nothing like a good walk and talking to God. So off I went.
\nI cried out to God, I ranted and raved. I asked why? What was the point of it all? What was being a Christian about, anyway? What was I to do? Was it my problem or just my pride to think I had an answer? I just want to serve Him. Was He putting this burden on me or was I taking up of my own? Was it up to me to fix the church? Who was I to think I could fix my church? I began to think maybe I was insane as I walked my neighborhood streets, talking out loud, crying and flipping back and forth emotionally. I asked over and over and over what I was to do with this.
\nI have this route I walk when I pray. It helps to go the same way every time, then there’s nothing new to distract me from my time with God. I was about two blocks from home and I felt just as burdened and anxious as when I had started. I began to feel like maybe I wasn’t going to get any answers (which made me more discouraged.) May be this wasn’t really me and God after all, maybe it was just all psychological therapy and I wasn’t doing it right. I told God that time was short and I needed help. I had committed myself to Him 17 1\/2 years ago and I wasn’t going to give up, but I felt like I didn’t know which way to go anymore, and I couldn’t go on like this. What do you want me to do!?!
\nJust give yourself to my people<\/i>
\nOK. It was weird, it just came to me. And I was peaceful about it, not anxious. (I always look at stories like this as I they’re a bit wacko, but I had been acting a bit wacko, so it’s probably appropriate.)
\nBut what about the leadership?
\nJust give yourself to my people.<\/i>
\nBut what does that mean for me as a Deacon?
\nJust give yourself to my people.<\/i>
\nWhat about\u2026
\nJust give yourself to my people.<\/i>
\nI began to think about the folks in the houses around me, acquaintances. No, I’m not talking about them. Those aren’t your problem or responsibility, let Me worry about them.<\/i> I can take care of my wife, my kids, my close friends at church, the other deacons, my minister. Beyond that I have neighbors and coworkers; I can take care of them. It all sounds a bit hokey right now, but at that moment it was just what I needed. At that moment, it was the perspective that I needed and brought me peace (Although typing it has made me a bit anxious again. It sounds just plain cheesy<\/i>.)
\nI had about a block left to go, so I prayed about those people. I prayed about my girls, that I’d be a better Dad like God was to me. I prayed for my wife, that I could be her partner, teammate, not another kid to care for. I prayed for two couples in church that are in counseling, but largely without the support of friends in the church, that they’d see the best in each other and hang in there. I prayed for my friend who lives far away, far from any church family, in the middle of nowhere, that he and his family would be OK. And I prayed that I’d remember Just give yourself to my people.<\/i> because I already had started to forget.
\nAnd I arrived home with a proper perspective and much less burdened.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Tonight I just had to get out. I actually felt it yesterday, but I let things get in the way. I hadn’t done this in a long time, and IRead More Whew …..<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhew ..... - salguod.net<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/salguod.net\/blog\/2005\/03\/whew.shtml\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Whew ..... - salguod.net\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Tonight I just had to get out. I actually felt it yesterday, but I let things get in the way. 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I know at least two members of my church read this blog regularly, and I fear both hurting their faith and, to be honest, a potential backlash at me for publicizing these thoughts and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "God and Church"","block_context":{"text":"God and Church","link":"https:\/\/salguod.net\/blog\/god-and-church"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":816,"url":"https:\/\/salguod.net\/blog\/2008\/05\/my_brother_in_l.shtml","url_meta":{"origin":281,"position":1},"title":"My Brother In Law’s Story","author":"Doug Schaefer","date":"May 3, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"I've been wanting to post this here for a while now, but I wanted my Brother In Law to type it up so the facts were straight. He recently put it on our family website. It's an amazing story, here it is ... 2007 brought a lot of change in\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Family and Friends"","block_context":{"text":"Family and Friends","link":"https:\/\/salguod.net\/blog\/family-and-friends"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":156,"url":"https:\/\/salguod.net\/blog\/2004\/06\/echurch.shtml","url_meta":{"origin":281,"position":2},"title":"E-Church","author":"Doug Schaefer","date":"June 25, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Justin at Radical Congruency had a post the other day about 'E-mail church'. He addresses the idea that church is more than a building and a schedule of meetings. Do we really need to meet to have 'church'? Isn't it church when we gather for dinner, meet to pray, just\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "God and Church"","block_context":{"text":"God and Church","link":"https:\/\/salguod.net\/blog\/god-and-church"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":439,"url":"https:\/\/salguod.net\/blog\/2006\/01\/redirected.shtml","url_meta":{"origin":281,"position":3},"title":"Redirected","author":"Doug Schaefer","date":"January 24, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"I've been meaning to write this for a couple of weeks now. You may have noticed that my Quiet Time journal has been more active lately. I started the year wanting to be in my Bible more, but thanks to the genuine concern of two friends I am more determined,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "God and Church"","block_context":{"text":"God and Church","link":"https:\/\/salguod.net\/blog\/god-and-church"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":421,"url":"https:\/\/salguod.net\/blog\/2005\/12\/repentance.shtml","url_meta":{"origin":281,"position":4},"title":"Bleh., Part II","author":"Doug Schaefer","date":"December 12, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. 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