{"id":274,"date":"2005-02-24T12:06:23","date_gmt":"2005-02-24T12:06:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/salguod.net\/blog\/2005\/02\/when_do_you_dec.shtml"},"modified":"2021-05-29T02:46:51","modified_gmt":"2021-05-29T02:46:51","slug":"when_do_you_dec","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/salguod.net\/blog\/2005\/02\/when_do_you_dec.shtml","title":{"rendered":"When Do You Leave Your Family?"},"content":{"rendered":"

(That title ought to get people curious. Don’t panic, read on.)<\/em>
\nA couple of weeks ago I came across this post<\/a> at Radical Congruency which quoted an entire article<\/a> by Greg Kendall-Ball<\/a> at the New Wineskins blog<\/a>. It was about why folks leave the church.
\nNow in my church family (ICoC) the upheaval in the past two years has been hard. We’ve learned a lot about ourselves and our churches and each other. Some, in response to what they’ve seen, have decided to leave for what they hoped would be greener pastures. In some cases they were long, soul wrenching times of introspection before they left, in others it seemed more spontaneous. In my church we’ve lost I’d guess 20 \u2013 30 members in the past 2 -3 years. In the last year or so, several<\/a> of those have been my closest friends. They’ve left, to some degree, over issues that I’ve agreed with them on, at least on some level. I’d be lying if I said that the thought that perhaps I too should leave hadn’t crossed my mind. It has even been suggested by some who left, not directly but indirectly, that they thought I would eventually follow those men.
\nWhich brings the question, when is it time to leave? Now for those members of my church reading this, don’t get the wrong idea. I am not planning on leaving, I don’t feel compelled to do so nor do I see myself moving in that direction. I do have some things I am frustrated with, some bigger than others, but I’m not going anywhere right now. Please don’t read into this post anything of the sort. It’s simply a discussion of the issue of leaving a church.
\nSo back to the question, when leave? Or better yet, how do you decide if this is an issue worth leaving over. I can imagine things that would cause me to step down from a leadership role, but to leave to go to another church? I can’t see it. I love these people; I’ve been here in this church from the beginning. I uprooted my family to move here to start this church. So what could be so big that I’d be willing to give it up and move on, starting over with new relationships?
\nWatching folks I’m close to leave has made me think about it. At times I have felt that it may inevitable that I too leave. The thought made me very sad and depressed. I don’t want to start over, to try to find someplace where I can trust the people. Somewhere I’ll be taken care of and where I can care for people. I think about how sad it would be that one of the founders of the church felt compelled to leave what he had started (That’s already happened. One of those four in my earlier post<\/a> was one of the founding members of the congregation.) I though why should I leave, I was here first! Where would I go? Move to another city? Would it be better there? All thoughts brought me back to, what would make me go through all that?
\nThat brings me back to Greg’s New Wineskins post<\/a>. He writes about this thing that seems to plague not only the ICoC, but the CoC’s as a whole. That is the idea that some doctrinal issue or personal disagreement is big enough that a person feels the need to leave. I know that the CoC’s are not alone in this, churches have been splitting since Luther nailed his Thesis to the church door. But we seem to be particularly good at it. Greg lays out the story of a few people who have left the CoC recently, and talks about how sad it is for the church to loose those voices and their insight.
\nAt the end of the article he acknowledges that there is no easy solution, and admits that he has no magic bullet. But then he hits on something profound:<\/p>\n

One possible solution (and I am thinking of my family here), is for the church to act more like a family, and less like a country club. In my family we can disagree, we can argue, we can spit and scream and scratch . . . but leaving the family, breaking those bonds, is unthinkable. But in a country club, if I don’t like the new members, or the greens are getting a little rough, I can always take my dues and find a better club that suits me more, or I can push members out or bar others from getting in.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

This idea has shaped my thought on this in recent weeks. This is not just an organization I belong to, it’s my church<\/i>, my family<\/i>. Family can be a real pain sometimes (family \u2013 sorry about that, but it’s true), but you’d never, never, never think about leaving them. You may stay away, even for years, but only in extreme cases of physical or mental danger or abuse would you disown your family. And even then, you’d probably acknowledge that they were your family. Family is permanent, membership is temporary.
\nIf you think about it, that’s how God works with us. We call Him Father, He calls us Sons and Daughters. Jesus is our brother. We are members, not of God’s club<\/i>, but his household<\/i>.
\nSo yes, I may have issues with my church. Actually, I will probably always have some. Yes I may even decide I can’t be a part of the leadership at some point due to that. But to leave \u2013 this is my family, why would leave and where would I go? It’s possible, but things would have to get real, real bad for that to happen.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(That title ought to get people curious. Don’t panic, read on.) A couple of weeks ago I came across this post at Radical Congruency which quoted an entire article byRead More When Do You Leave Your Family?<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhen Do You Leave Your Family? - salguod.net<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/salguod.net\/blog\/2005\/02\/when_do_you_dec.shtml\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"When Do You Leave Your Family? - salguod.net\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"(That title ought to get people curious. Don’t panic, read on.) 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I've meant to post my notes on our midweek lessons each week, but have forgotten to. We have our midweek lessons in our house churches (just smaller groups, arranged mostly by geography) most weeks, meeting as a churhc once\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Articles, papers and lessons"","block_context":{"text":"Articles, papers and lessons","link":"https:\/\/salguod.net\/blog\/articles-papers-and-lessons"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":230,"url":"https:\/\/salguod.net\/blog\/2004\/11\/communion_lesso_1.shtml","url_meta":{"origin":274,"position":1},"title":"Communion Lesson to the teachers","author":"Doug Schaefer","date":"November 21, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Mark 14:66-72, 15:1-41 You'll have to bear with me, I have a lot on my heart. Many have left our church in recent months, some as recently as this month. Many of these men and women were my friends, some of my dearest friends. It has hurt to watch them\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Articles, papers and lessons"","block_context":{"text":"Articles, papers and lessons","link":"https:\/\/salguod.net\/blog\/articles-papers-and-lessons"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":453,"url":"https:\/\/salguod.net\/blog\/2006\/02\/baptisms.shtml","url_meta":{"origin":274,"position":2},"title":"Baptisms!","author":"Doug Schaefer","date":"February 27, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"For the past two weeks we've had something at church that hasn't happened during service for a long, long time. In fact, except for the inaugural service 9 1\/2 years ago, I'm not sure that we've ever closed a service this way. We've had baptisms at each service. To be\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "God and Church"","block_context":{"text":"God and Church","link":"https:\/\/salguod.net\/blog\/god-and-church"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":457,"url":"https:\/\/salguod.net\/blog\/2006\/03\/church_update_1.shtml","url_meta":{"origin":274,"position":3},"title":"Church Update","author":"Doug Schaefer","date":"March 11, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"It's been a while since I've posted anything substantial, besides my QT notes. I've been basking in the new car glow. I seem to be a pretty popular guy with new wheels. 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