{"id":164,"date":"2004-06-29T23:20:00","date_gmt":"2004-06-29T23:20:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/salguod.net\/blog\/2004\/06\/spanking_vs_abu.shtml"},"modified":"2021-05-29T02:48:43","modified_gmt":"2021-05-29T02:48:43","slug":"spanking_vs_abu","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/salguod.net\/blog\/2004\/06\/spanking_vs_abu.shtml","title":{"rendered":"Spanking vs. Abuse"},"content":{"rendered":"

There’s a small ongoing debate in the comments of this entry <\/a>over at Virusdoc <\/a>about spanking. He asked for help determining the right or wrong of spanking. My take on his post is that he’s against spanking, but his little boy is pushing he and his wife to the brink (and over recently). Adding to an already difficult situation, his in-laws have been pressuring them to spank him. It seems that other methods aren’t working, but spanking does not seem to be right.
\nSerious abuse is obvious. Out of control parents, sometimes intoxicated, repeatedly beating kids for minor trespasses for extended lengths of time. These are obvious cases. But many against spanking would say that there is no ‘obvious case’ that is just spanking, not abuse. I think there is.
\nCoincidentally, I heard a segment on NPR’s Tavis Smiley show on spanking on June 16th<\/a> (listen: Windows Media<\/a> or Real Player<\/a>). My wife also got a book from the library recently called “I refuse to raise a brat” which is profoundly against spanking, so spanking has been on my mind. In the book they cite situations of kids being slapped across the face and being hit in public as examples of why spanking is bad. To my thinking, this is at best<\/i> poor practice of spanking, but really closer to abuse. So what is the difference between abuse and spanking?
\nThe pediatrician, Dr. Den Trumbull, that was on Tavis Simley’s show I think spoke very eloquently on the distinction. He speaks of ‘proactive not reactive’ spanking. Often, when we see spanking, it is a reaction to behavior, a parent pushed over the edge. It’s the arm grab, yank and multiple swats of the disobedient child in the grocery store, often accompanied by shouting. This is not proper spanking, and it’s no wonder that people get up in arms when they see this kind of behavior.
\nDr. Trumbull offers these guidelines, which pretty closely match our practice in our home:<\/p>\n


\n1. Spanking should be used selectively for clear, deliberate misbehavior, particularly that which arises from a child’s persistent defiance of a parent’s instruction. It should be used only when the child receives at least as much encouragement and praise for good behavior as correction for problem behavior.
\n2. Milder forms of discipline, such as verbal correction, time-out, and logical consequences, should be used initially, followed by spanking when noncompliance persists. Spanking has shown to be an effective method of enforcing time-out with the child who refuses to comply.
\n3. Only a parent (or in exceptional situations, someone else who has an intimate relationship of authority with the child) should administer a spanking.
\n4. Spanking should not be administered on impulse or when a parent is out of control. A spanking should always be motivated by love for the purpose of teaching and correcting, never for revenge.
\n5. Spanking is inappropriate before 15 months of age and is usually not necessary until after 18 months. It should be less necessary after 6 years, and rarely, if ever, used after 10 years of age.
\n6. After 10 months of age, one slap to the hand of a stubborn crawler or toddler may be necessary to stop serious misbehavior when distraction and removal have failed. This is particularly the case when the forbidden object is immovable and dangerous, such as a hot oven door or an electrical outlet.
\n7. Spanking should always be a planned action, not a reaction, by the parent and should follow a deliberate procedure.
\n